So what is this site supposed to be?
A clearing-house for my self-absorption.

And who are you?
I'm a news archivist living in a lovely lakeview apartment in a third-rate central Florida city. A long and jagged road of broken choices led me here. See the bio for the nutshell. Well, a bigger nutshell than the one you got here, but not by much.

Why do you matter?
Why does anyone?

What's with the names and logos? Analog Plugin, USB-Abacus, stuff like that. You're teetering on the brink of pretension there, you know.
I was always a fan of pretension. I played "Let's Pretend" a lot as a child. Anyway, I liked the notion of an abacus plugged into a computer's USB port because it's one of the more self-referential and spectacularly useless things I've ever seen. Ditto Analog Plugin, which is another way of saying USB-Abacus. And who doesn't want to own a subdomain that goes zombiepocalypse.usb-abacus.com? I think it's keen. Then the whole logo thing...I'm just not that original, you know?

So what's with those four hard-to-read buttons over there?
They'll take you to four different blogs, each dealing with different stuff. They're hard to read because I'm bad at artsy-fartsy stuff.

Four blogs?
Yeah, four. What?

Don't you have a life?
Not really, no. Anyway, only one of them is updated with any sort of regularity.

So what's it all about?
Alfie?

Cagey. I'm asking about the blogs there. Those are some fucked-up names. What are they about?
I guess they are, aren't they? Let's take them in order.

• Zombiepocalypse
  • Named after a dream I had about zombies in New York on New Year's Eve who really killed my store-robbery-spree buzz, this blog chronicles the now-rare dreams I have that contain plots and other especially notable elements. Updated very rarely, but has nearly three months' worth of dreaming, which can make really interesting reading.
• Audience Member #1
  • This is a sort of generic dumping-ground for generic thoughts. You get to see a lot of "I wish I was smart" and "I wish I was talented," interspersed with pointless rants and shameless attempts at auteurship. Posts are quite frequently written under one influence or another.
• Snarky Tumor
  • Not really snarky, this blog is where I keep my short stories. Most of them are of the type that will make you demand that I give you part of your life back. Alas, no refunds allowed.
• Big Read Gum
  • There isn't a whole lot of rationale behind the name, especially given what it leads to: book reviews! It's actually just stuff I've read and chewed over and want to put in a form where I can read it clearly and decide whether I want to reread the book in question.

You really don't have a life, do you?
Was there anything else you wanted to know?

Yeah. I assume that black box on the left there is supposed to let people know when stuff is updated.
You're sharp. Really, you are.

Thanks, yo. How come your blogs look suspiciously like they're from Blogger?
That's because they are. You get a last question.

...Why Blogger?
Because I can't afford a lot of hosting space and it's less of a pain to update through Blogger. Best to post there and re-route.

Yeah, but...
Sorry, but you've asked your last question. My client is a very busy man. Thank you all for coming out, and have a safe drive home.